Adventures of the Glyphwarden

Hildegard

Saint fucking Reoth I have never been in a worse dive than this. Uh… please do not touch me. Could you—okay. Could—alright. No, it’s fine, I’ll move. I didn’t want to stand—

Hildegard (cont’d)

Ugh! Are you okay? You just fucking vomited right in front of me! You didn’t? I watched you do it! I watched the puke come out of your mouth! I’m—I—move out of my fucking way, Gods, is there one corner of this entire cave where I can just sit the fuck down?

Hildegard (cont’d)

It’s a surprise there’s even air circulation to breathe in here. Gods know it’s already hot as hell and smells like foetid ass. Saint.

Jean-Luc

Renard?

Hildegard

I’m sorry?

Jean-Luc

What?

Hildegard

I can’t hear you!

Jean-Luc

Are you Renard?

Hildegard

No. You have the wrong person.

Jean-Luc

What?

Hildegard

No!

Jean-Luc

Oh! Sorry.

Hildegard

Can I do something for you?

Jean-Luc

Do you want to drink together?

Hildegard

Do I—uh. Um. No. Sorry.

Jean-Luc

Why not?

Hildegard

I’m meeting somebody.

Jean-Luc

We can talk until he gets here, huh?

Hildegard

I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Jean-Luc

What?

Hildegard

Stop bothering me!

Hildegard (cont’d)

Fuck’s sake. This is why I don’t go out, man. I hate drunk people. The most back—the fuck—assward part of the world to get shitfaced at. Drink yourself stupid just to go out into the Windstorm and fucking die.

Hildegard (cont’d)

Okay. Ahem. ‘I heard you all were adventuring to kill a basilisk!’ Uh. ‘Are you all adventuring out to kill a basilisk?’ Stupid. ‘You all look like basilisk hunters!’ Like, what? What does a basilisk hunter even look like? Oh, Gods. Um. ‘You all wouldn’t happen to be hunting—’ Pssh, aaah! Literally, what is wrong with me? Just say something! Just go—just go over and—okay.

Hildegard (cont’d)

Are you all hunting a basilisk?

Hildegard (cont’d)

Are you guys basilisk hunters?

Demetrius

Do we know you?

Hildegard

I’d like to join your group.

Sarah

Were you eavesdropping on us?

Hildegard

I noticed you were the only group in the whole bar with a ranger who seemed worth their shit.

Lentil

They’re not.

Joan

I’m not.

Lentil

Hey, I like your hooded cloak! Artificer?

Hildegard

No, uh, sorceror. Nice hooded cloak yourself.

Demetrius

Sorceror. Your interest is appreciated, but our party’s more in need of a cleric.

Hildegard

So, yeah, my primary background’s as a novice sorceror, and I have several years spellcasting experience there, but—ahem—I actually had an apprenticeship as a magic initiate at the Church of the Savior? Uh. So, that was in-between semesters during my time at university, and I could definitely go back on some of my old work from then, get together a couple first-circle healing spells—

Lentil

We’re going to need better than first-circle spells!

Hildegard

Oh, someone just—it looked l—someone just poisoned your drink. You shouldn’t drink—someone just poisoned that.

Lentil

What?

Hildegard

Someone just poisoned your drink!

Demetrius (cont’d)

Fuck! Sarah, run a perimeter!

Demetrius (cont’d)

You! You have any restorative spells?

Hildegard

Ah, not on me at the moment. I’m so sorry, that’s super unfortunate.

Hildegard

Uh?

Demetrius

Quickly, now! You and Lentil have the same hood—you take his spot, make the assassin think he slipped a bad dose. Come on, now. He’ll come by for another pass, best chance we’ll have at nabbing him in all this.

Hildegard

Wow. So we’re just going to chill with a dead guy under the table? No, it’s cool. I do kind this—I do this kind of stuff all the time. Um. So, were y’all, like, totally expecting an assassin, or, what was—what was going on there?

Demetrius

We had a run-in with the law in leaving the Monarchie. He’s been tailing us ten days since.

Joan

You guys had a run-in with the law. I was here. I had nothing to do with it.

Demetrius

Yes, well. We didn’t expect he’d make it through the Windstorm. Watch your drinks, lads. Act casual.

Hildegard

I don’t mean to, like, y’know, capitalize on tragedy. But does this make me part of the party?

Demetrius

Make it through tonight, and Lentil’s place is as good as yours.

Joan

Rest in peace.

Hildegard

Almost like I can still feel him here with us.

Joan

What was that?

Hildegard

Nothing. I assume you all are on the specific basilisk-hunting bounty that most all the other adventurers around here are?

Demetrius

The wizard Owl’s bounty. He’s got the majority of this whole bolthole in his employ, doing something or other. Gods know what the man wants to do with the Windstorm. He’s—

Demetrius (cont’d)

… even got the legendary blacksmith booked up on commission, nobody’s had their metal worked in weeks ’cause of it.

Hildegard

Damn, that’s crazy. Hey—just to check in on that thing I opened with—y’all’ve got something special going on, right? Know something the rest of the groups don’t?

Demetrius

And we’d appreciate you keeping it at the table, if you don’t mind. It’s our ranger. Only ranger in the Windstorm who’s actually from around here. Knows right where a basilisk’s at, seen its den.

Joan

My name’s Joan.

Demetrius

And introductions are in order. I’m Demetrius. The big one I sent to watch the bar—she’s Sarah, our barbarian. And the quiet one here’s our rogue. Say hi, Liz.

Salamander

Your drink!

Sarah

I’ve got him!

Demetrius

Any last words, cur?

Yorick

Bar fight!

To be continued